My friend Mandy went to a church retreat
full of entitled personalities wearing opinions
acerbic and astringent on their sleeves.
Retreating from the retreat inside her home
she saw herself, in the mirror as her favorite
sweater turned inside out, all the yarn end hanging out--messy
her own self turned inside out, her personal threads hanging out every which way.
The inside process meant pulling sleeves and the
body itself right side out.
Re-discovering
comfort, colors
still there.

I used to tell my children, "Use your inside voices!"
with my big outside timbre.
Coming to Alaska I turned on loudly endlessly
public radio's nonstoptalk
longing for outside voices and words in this inside place.
filled with the fear that my own voice would be lost
to the outside
I would be left empty
mute inside and out.

But after going outside this fall to lead retreats
(a leader never able to retreat at all instead always outside for all to see)
I came back inside with a new longing
to retreat inside my own home
to pull on the soft black sweater
I wear only inside.
To turn off the talk
See from inside
outside space
clear or foggy
To hear
resonance.